The Po Show

Bodies

Everybody's got one, right? I'm not too stoked on mine these days. I changed my eating habits, stopped snacking so much, am a lot more active than the slug I was during the winter when we couldn't leave the house, and I'm still exactly the same weight (30 pounds more than I was two years ago when I went on Paxil). This is unchartered territory for me, as I've spent my whole life being able to eat whatever the hell I wanted, never exercise a smidge, and actually worry about being too thin. It's kind of like when I started taking fertility drugs and suddenly started getting PMS, which I'd never had before. I suddenly thought, "So THIS is what everyone's been complaining about all this time! Yeah, it SUCKS!"

I look way too much like I did when I was pregnant, as the weight is almost all in my belly. My summer clothes don't fit. I literally did not have a single pair of shorts that fit me, which was a problem when the weather suddenly jumped into the 80s. I had to go out to Old Navy and pay FULL PRICE for a pair of shorts!

I am reluctant to complain about this to people, for fear of getting bopped on the head by people who have struggled with their weight all their lives and who would give up an appendage to be the weight I am now. I know that in relative terms I really don't have anything to complain about. But I look in the mirror, or just down at myself as I sit here and my belly splooges over my waistband, and I don't like it. It doesn't look like ME. I don't feel like ME.

And I don't even get the compensation of having bigger breasts finally! A funny about that: last night as I was pulling on a tshirt after my shower, Tessa commented on my having nipples, as she always does.

"You have nipples, Mommy?"

"Yes, so do you. So does everyone." (An homage to the Seinfeld "everybody's got 'em" episode.)

"Yay!," she said, "Nipple power!!"

A rather empowering attitude, seeing power in your body, no matter what it looks like.