The Po Show

Sibs

I've said a million times that one of the true blessings of my life has been the lack of sibling rivalry between my children. Matthew loved Tessa before she was born, was enchanted with her after she was born, and never showed an instant of jealousy or anger at being displaced. He would squeeze her and say "Oh Tessa, I love you so much!" And she adored him from the moment she could discern him as a person.

He was unbelievably accepting when he would ask me to play something with him, or get him something, or otherwise do something for him, and I would have to tell him "I can't right now, I'm feeding Tessa." He never once said, "Put her down and get it!" He'd just say "Can you do it after you're finished feeding Tessa?"

Even when she became mobile and could mess up his stuff, he never once hit her, never once pushed her away. This was pretty remarkable for a boy who was a reactive hitter. He would complain to me, but not to her.

And she was always so happy to watch him play, follow along after him. She was just thrilled to feel a part of what he was doing.

Well, friends, the honeymoon seems to be over :p.

We've had several incidents in which he's hit her or pushed her. Never hard and she has never once been injured enough to even cry, but she is quick to come and tell him about it in a whiny little tattletale voice, with a much aggrieved look on her face. His explanation each time is that she was bothering him, trying to climb on him or tickle him, and she just wouldn't stop when he told her to. It's tough to call, since I'm sure both are at fault in the incidents, but he knows he is not supposed to hit, so he is always the one who loses privileges (whatever game he's playing or show he's watching gets turned off). I do tell Tessa (for the millionth time) that when someone tells you to stop, you have to stop, and tell Matthew (for the millionth time) that it doesn't matter what someone is doing to you, you cannot hit. Both tell me they understand and won't do it again. Hah.

Part of this is a by-product of something that is actually really great. They are playing together a lot these days, interacting on a very good level, completely independently of me. This is wonderful, and I've been waiting for it to happen. Inevitably, I guess, with interaction comes friction.

Also, Tessa is older now and not disinclined toward exhibiting her, um, strong personality (how diplomatic a description was that!). The two of them will be playing something and Matthew will be able to lift something she can't, or reach something she can't, and she gets so irritated. "*I* wanted to be the strongest!!!," she'll protest. Today we were hiking and she got SO mad when Matthew walked ahead of her on the trail. She had been pretending to be a train and wanted to be the leader of the group. "I* wanted to be the train!!!," she wailed in her finest whiny voice. So Matthew would drop back, and she would be walking in front again, and then he's pass her up again, and she'd whine "*I* wanted to be the leader!!!!" Over and over and over again. Errrrggg...

Still, I believe that the best thing that ever happened for Matthew, developmentally, was getting a baby sister. It made him (who is always inclined to live in his own little world, even more than most kids) take another living being into consideration. Yeah, we could have gotten him a dog, but this seemed better. And I think it's good for Tessa to have a big brother who needs her, needs her help and understanding.

I just hope I personally survive.