The Po Show

Choosing Not To

Wasn't it Bartleby the Scribner who always answered "I choose not to?" Anyway, Matthew has chosen not to go to soccer camp this week and I'm feeling all chewed up about it.

The first day was perfectly understandable: we were late arriving, having not heard that the site had changed, so all the kids were already out on the field. Matthew felt intimidated. He decided that he didn't want to go. Many parents would have said, "You wanted to go to soccer camp; it's already paid for. You're going." But I knew that would do nothing but create a scene. He agreed to try again the next day.

The next day, he didn't want to go. Actually he was somewhat ambivalent, wanting to play soccer but afraid of going to camp. And I did not push, not even a little. What I think I really should have done was say that we were going to get ready, get in the car, and go down there. And if he decided that he didn't want to do it, we'd leave, but we at least had to go down there. But I chose not to. I just didn't want to get us ready again (including getting Tessa up, as she was still in bed, and dressed) and potentially deal with a meltdown there at the field. I just did not feel equipped to deal with that. It was so much easier just to stay home.

I really do feel like Matthew needs more motivation, some more challenges, some gentle pushing to try things, just try them. But I feel so tired, so anxious myself. So I choose not to.

Sadly, to the detriment of my child, I believe.