The Po Show

Narcissistic Introspection

Hey, the new year is the time for introspection, right? Plus a couple of things happened recently that got me thinking a lot about a previously much considered but now often neglected topic: mememe.

The Mental Me

Last week, as I was complaining about something that I couldn't remember (which sadly happens a lot these days), Tessa piped up from the back seat (sometimes I feel like Ross and I are in the Cone of Silence when we're driving in the car, but of course small people in the back are often listening), "Well, Mommy, you're not very smart."

Whatwhatwhat????????

Ross and I both immediately jumped on her, saying almost simultaneously, "That's not a nice thing to say!" She immediately apologized.

I then felt obligated to add, "I'm just tired! And it's all your fault!" Sigh.

When I recounted this tale to my sister, she added in my defense, "I have a master's degree!"

Yeah, and I have an I.Q. of 147. And I used to be really smart. But this is what my darling daughter sees of me, the mommy who forgets stuff and gets frustrated and is therefore obviously not very smart.

I can tell myself that someday I'll be less tired, someday I'll go back to work (somewhere, doing something...) and get to talk to intelligent adults on a regular basis again, and my brain will somehow kick start back into action. But it's a fricking sad commentary on my mental state.

The Physical Me

I look pretty crappy these days. I've really given up trying to look decent most of the time. I still weigh more than I'd like to, and I just pull back my hair everyday since it's easier than dealing with styling it, and makeup is like some wild prehistoric memory. I wear the same old clothes that emphasize comfort. I wear glasses that don't really suit me, and are often askew on my face (they were chosen because they're really light and therefore don't give me headaches).

And I'm almost 40, way past the age of cute.

But the other day, on the day after we got back from vacation and I was REALLY FREAKING TIRED and I was running around like a lunatic trying to get things in order, something nice happened. I was driving back from Costco, and had to slow down for construction. I passed a hardhat wearing construction worker, who looked me directly in the eyes, and his whole face lit up. He gave me a very appreciative look as I drove by.

Damn, I know that look. I used to get that look all the time. I used to car flirt regularly (hey, it's harmless, not like you're going to pull over and act on the flirting!) and would see that look.

I gave the guy my car flirt smile, and his smile got even wider. How nice.

Okay, I look like crap, *I* think, but maybe it's not as bad as I think.


I hope there's hope for both the mental me and the physical me, evidence to the contrary.