The Po Show

Ten Years of Mommyhood

It was, almost literally, ten years ago that I found out I was pregnant with Matthew. It was about 5:15PM, December 9, 1996 (okay, I know, there's a three hour time difference between here and CA, where I found out, but give me a break).

Ten years! Ten years since I knew that my body was growing a human life inside it, at long, long last. I'd wanted to be a mother so desperately, to the point of tunnel vision, for years. That desire colored everything I did and thought about, for years. And I had given up on the idea of conception, of baking my own baby, and had refocused on the process of adopting a baby to mother. But instead the universe held its breath for a moment, and I found out I was pregnant.

4 years. About $10,000. 19 interuterine inseminations. 6 failed rounds of Clomid. 4 rounds of Pergonal. Dozens and dozens of trips to the Woodland Hills Kaiser to have doctor visits and blood tests and ultrasounds to check my follicular development. So much hope, and so much pain. So many tears of disappointment, my heart squeezed to the point of breaking.

But the ultimate result: my baby boy, born eight months and four days later.

And my life changed forever. Ten years ago.