The Po Show

Mysteries

The brain is seriously hard to figure.

So my brother survived a big old explosion in his brain, and he's slowly having to relearn things, like how to walk, and how to feed himself, and a whole month of his life is absolutely missing from his memory. What's going on in his brain?

Matthew is deep in the middle of a "phase" (god I hope it's just a phase, and not the new normal), in which he is losing emotional and physical control of himself literally at the drop of a hat. Or a tap on a table leg, which is what his classmate at school was doing, which made Matthew lose it and poke her in the chest with his pencil. He's had a couple dozen "incidents" at school, of varying severity, since Feb. In some he's hit or pushed at kids. Yesterday he lost it in chess club (a weekly lunchtime activity he's been doing for two years and LOVES) and threw his lunchbox repeatedly, including at the very very expensive interactive whiteboard (thankfully the teacher caught it). He then walked across the room and swung his arm repeatedly, hitting a girl sitting at the table. When told to stop by the teacher, he ran out and walked down the hall hitting and kicking the walls.

What is UP? I'm utterly baffled. He didn't hit anyone in the entire 2nd grade. He didn't hit anyone for the first 6 months of 3rd grade. Why the sudden onset of this physical aggression? After being incredibly tolerant and gentle with Tessa her entire life (he had NEVER hit her, even when he was 4, 5, and 6 years old and hitting a lot of other kids), he's pushed and grabbed her a few times in the last couple of weeks. On Sunday he hit her on the shoulder. I swear, what is UP? When I was talking to him on Sunday about his behavior, he got increasingly angry, and finally he pushed at me with both hands. Oh. My. God. He hasn't laid hands on me since he was 2 years old. WHAT IS UP?

In the interest of trying to figure out what is up, we are seeking out lots of assistance. He is seeing his therapist once a week, who is a fabulous cognitive behaviorist. We are having a new assessment done with a child psychiatrist who specializes in autism spectrum kids. I met with her yesterday and spent and hour and half chronicling Matthew's life and all the difficulties we've had.

She's great, and I'm very happy that we're finally in the hands of someone who knows what the hell she's doing (even if it is costing 500 non-insured dollars). But as I think about all I told her all about Matthew, about his development and where he is today, I realize, it's not a pattern, it's a mystery. What goes on in his handsome, brilliant head is a mystery. We can understand bits and pieces, we can catch glimpses of what makes him tick, but the majority of what's going on in his brain remains opaque. To himself as well, which really makes it difficult. He can't say why he so abruptly lashes out, why he can't calm himself down, why everything is so overwhelming. Not just because of a lack of language for what he is feeling, but because he really doesn't know.

So we continue trying to figure out what is up, but despite every encouraging development, I find myself utterly mystified.