The Po Show

Baby Lust

I'm dizzy.

That is not a commentary on my general ditziness. I've had vertigo on and off since Saturday. And yesterday I got so nauseous at the grocery store I felt like I was going to throw up. But it was that yucky feeling when you feel like you're going to throw up, but you KNOW you're not really going to throw up, that you couldn't throw up even if you tried (because then you might actually feel better after you threw up, but you know you are in for no such luck).

It was horrible. And I recognized the feeling. It felt EXACTLY like how I felt when I was pregnancy sick, which I was for roughly 11 weeks (from week 7 to 18) with Tessa.

There is really no way I'm pregnant, and that's a good thing. I thought I had accepted it finally, awhile back, that I was never going to have another baby, and that it had been a GOOD thing (given all the difficulties we've had with Matthew over the years, and Tessa's health issues) that we never had a third.

But that whispery voice in the back of my head keeps saying now "Vasectomies do reverse" and I find myself counting the days and figuring out where I am in my cycle. Just past mid-cycle, so there's NO WAY I'd be feeling sick already. It's just more sucky, annoying perimenopause hormonal crap. I am NOT pregnant.

But I'd be so happy if I was.