The Po Show

Thank You for Being a Friend (Travel Down the Road and Back Again)

Don't ask me why I seem to be stuck in crappy old songs. Anyway, Rich asked when my girls' weekend out will be. Hah. I've had exactly one girls' weekend out since I became a mother, 10 years ago (and I wouldn't have gotten that if a splendid plan to surprise Ambre during her 40th birthday excursion had not been hatched :)).

twobyfour, thanks for the invitation to come to Albany! And thanks for reading; I am thrilled to now have SEVEN readers :D! But you mention my dilemma: I don't have any friends here, to go out with on a girls' weekend out.

This continues to baffle me. I've lived here for 3 and a half YEARS and I have not made a single real friend. I have always had friends; even in my darkest, loneliest days of geek-childhood I had at least one friend. I'm a fun person. I can carry my end of at least a modestly amusing conversation. I have no obviously offensive body odor. WHY don't I have any friends?

One problem has obviously been exposure to new people. Most of my friends in life have been made through school or work. I met my husband in college; I met my best pals of my 20s while working. I met my best girlfriends of my 30s (and now 40s :)) through the internet, which continues to astonish me, but I see that still as some once-in-a-lifetime, correct-alignment-of-the planets-type occurrence. And it was the face time, the getting together on a regular basis and hanging out and commiserating, that really made them my best friends. But unfortunately, they are 3000 miles away, and face time has been pretty limited.

I do see other humans on a daily basis. I say hi to the other moms at pick-up and chat a bit. I go to my favorite Gymboree store and chew the fat with the store manager there. But I don't have any FRIENDS, people to go to lunch with or talk to when I feel like crap.

I did try, especially in the first year we were here. I'd invite kids over for playdates, and I'd talk with the moms. I'm sort of sorry to say that I chose the moms I thought I'd get along with, rather than the kids I thought my kids would get along with. But it just never really worked out and things always stayed on a superficial, if perfectly nice, level. The moms didn't realize that I was trying to become friends with them; they thought it was all about the kids.

And over time it snowballed, in that as my social isolation increased, so did my social phobia. I got anxious about approaching people, and I just stopped doing it. Then Matthew started completely refusing to do playdates, and I stopped trying to encourage him. I mean, how can you foster social skills in your child when you don't have any yourself? And poor Tessa suffered, since I stopped making playdates for her too, once she started going to school full-time.

This still grates on me. WHERE is the gregarious, extroverted person I used to be? Who will be my friend?