The Po Show

Two "Perfect Days"

Matthew had two "perfect days" in a row, yesterday and today. Two days in a row in which he got all his checks, both in the morning and afternoon, for all five elements on his behavioral chart. Just two days, but it's a start.

He calls them that, "perfect days." And I've been thinking about it, since of course they are not perfect days. No day is perfect, and I'm sure there are many bad, frustrating, difficult moments during those days. Times during which he gets overwhelmed, upset, on edge. But not so much that he can't recover, not enough to lose his check.

I'm wondering what my perfect day would be. It would certainly include not having to live in fear of my cell phone ringing with a call from the school every time I go out, no rush to check the answering machine as soon as I came home to make sure they hadn't tried to call while I was gone. No strained moment, waiting for Matthew to emerge from the hallway into the cafeteria at dismissal, no sad realization that all the kids have already come through and he was not among them (which means that he is in the office, after another major incident).

I don't know how long it will take for me to let down my guard and stop feeling so consumed with fear of what might happen, or if I should let my guard down at all (part of my devastation at his breakdown in the spring was that he had been doing SO well for so long; I never saw it coming). But for now, I will take two "perfect days," and take them gladly.