The Po Show

My stomach really hurts, and has done so for about four days now. I keep thinking about all the people I know whose gall bladders went south. I have all of those symptoms. I'm also thinking ulcer, since I have all of those symptoms too. I've tried acid reducers and gas reducers and stuff to coat and soothe. Nothing is making an appreciable difference, and damn, it really hurts.

What I think it really is, is stress. I've been flipped out about money for a week now, and it's taking a toll. You see, I was counting on that insurance reimbursement that didn't come, and we're going to be short this week when I have to pay a credit card bill online on Wednesday. For approximately one full day, we will officially be overdrawn. Ross' paycheck will be deposited in our account very late on Thursday night/very early Friday morning.

I think we'll be okay, since there are three large outstanding checks (all to the therapist and psychiatrist) and at least two of them probably won't clear by Friday. Mental health is expensive, but at least they cash our checks really slowly. 

So I've been checking our checking account online incessantly (even over this weekend, though nothing ever happens over the weekend). I ran around last week returning a few things that I could return, to get our account credited (since credits reduce the amount that must be paid from our last statement's balance). I put up all of Tessa's spring/summer clothing on eBay; some of it has already sold Buy It Now and I've been paid for many of the items. It's still not enough. Yesterday, too late I think, I hit upon the idea that I *should* have bought a Dyson vacuum cleaner or something and then returned it, to have that as a credit on the account. That would have covered it. But I'm afraid that it's too late for that now, that a credit wouldn't hit by Wednesday.

I can't tell Ross about this. I just can't get into another big "why don't we have any money" thing with him. It is ridiculous for us to have financial concerns. He makes a substantial amount of money (though certainly not a substantial amount by Manhattan standards). We live pretty frugally. We never go out and do stuff. We have crappy old furniture. I bargain shop as a way of life. Yes, I know that Tessa has WAAAAAY too much clothing, but I bargain shop the hell out of it all, and I make back a very sizable proportion, selling it all later.

I shouldn't have this burning volcano in the middle of my stomach, wondering if this payment is going to go bouncing around the room. I shouldn't, but I do.