The Po Show

Afraid of Bed

Sometimes I get in this weird place, in which I'm afraid to go to bed.

I hate to go to bed by myself, even if I'm not alone when I get there. My big warm snoozy lump of a husband is already there, so what am I afraid of? I never go to bed first, even when I'm dead tired, because I can't bear to be in there alone. When Ross is out of town, I stay up until I am literally falling asleep at the computer, and then I still pop a melatonin before I brush my teeth and venture into the cold vastness of bed.

But even when he's there, I have trouble bringing myself to shut down the computer and turn off the lights and move my act to bed. It's like I missed my chance when I didn't go to bed at the same time he did, and it's irrevocable. It feels wrong. So I continue to sit at the computer and surf and read bullshit, just so I won't have to go to bed.

I was working on relisting a million ebay auctions tonight, while Ross watched some Tivo'ed movie. I listened in, occasionally looking over at the reflection of the TV in our standing picture screen (what Tessa calls "Mom's TV"). At about 10:30 I finished and went to sit next to him on the couch and he said that actually he'd been planning on going to bed. But I needed some "down time" still, so I didn't join him. And now I feel like I can't.

Which I guess is why I just spent the last 10 minutes typing this out, so I wouldn't have to go to bed.