The Po Show

Gainful Employment

A friend nudged me via email today, commenting that it had been a week since I've blogged (hahaha, blogged doesn't get underlined by the spellchecker here, though hahaha does). I replied that I was wiped out by spring break, we went away to DC for a few days (it's sorta sad when the only way you can go away on a spring break vacation is to have your husband finagle some meetings for himself so you get a free hotel room and per diem food money!), and I've been preparing for our program/annual review for Matthew, which is this Friday. FINALLY, we get to see if the district will approve his transfer to the gifted special ed. program. So in my usual overachiever fashion, I've spent a lot of time gathering a mountain of documentation to support our case.

I then signed off my email, after enumerating all the documents I've amassed, by saying, "This is why I don't have a job." To which my friend reminded me that I did indeed have a job, of epic proportions.

This is hard for me. Yes, I know that what I do is the most important thing I could do with my life, and I'm the most imminently qualified person to do it. Helping my children navigate the world, and especially dealing with all of Matthew's issues, is really a full-time endeavor. But I'm talking about what many of us stay-at-home moms think, but aren't supposed to say, a "real" job, a career, a "she works hard for the money," SOMETHING to put down on the little line marked "Occupation" that haunts us at every turn. Some societally-recognized JOB. Yeah, I know, fuck society, but it's very hard to go against a lifetime of conditioning concerning what is legitimate use of one's time.

I grew up in the '70s, the era of ERA and Girl Power and people finally telling girls that they could be anything they wanted to be. I was the smart girl, the straight A student, the one for whom everyone had so many expectations. I had them for myself too, and fully expected to do great things. Doctor, diplomat, writer, poet, something significant and lauded.

My favorite quote is from John Lennon (who had a brief stint as a stay-at-home dad before he went back to recording, but at that point he could really get away with it), who said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." I surely didn't plan how I would be employed at this time and place in my life. I know the gains are great, but I still have not made my peace with it all.