The Po Show

Mystery Malady

Ever wonder why "malady" looks and sounds so much like "milady" or "my lady?" Or have I just been watching way too much "Tudors?"

Anyway, something is wrong with me (yeah, I know, start a list). But I really don't know what it is. On Saturday I woke up feeling sort of dizzy, so Ross had to take Tessa to soccer despite his gimpy leg. It persisted, this dizzy, sort of out of it feeling. Nothing too major, just sort of vague and off. No fever, no congestion, no headache.

Sunday it continued, and Ross took the kids out himself. I stayed in my pajamas all day, which is very uncharacteristic. Again, I didn't feel horrible, but I felt sort of crappy and dizzy. I read a 474 page book (Saving Fish from Drowning by Amy Tan, which I received for Mother's Day), so obviously I was okay as long as I was sitting down. But being up and walking about was a Bad Idea.

Monday morning rolled around and I had to get up at 6AM to drive Ross to the train station, since he is still gimpy. I got the kids ready for school and we drove off, and then something happened that made it very apparent to me that I was NOT RIGHT. I pulled up into the driveway for drop off, hopped out of the car to hand Tessa her backpack, and realized that the car was still moving forward. I had not put it in "park," and it was rolling toward the car in front of us. I lunged back in, tried repeatedly to reach over and put it in park, and leaned on the horn three times as I was fumbling with the gear shift. The people all around were staring at me like, "What the fuck?????" It felt like it took forever, but I managed to get the car to stop before I hit the car in front of us.

I handed Tessa her backpack, did my usual cheery "Have a nice day!!," and drove off, spouting a random streak of curse words like I had Tourette's.

And decided I probably better stay home all day, which I did. Today I'm still dizzy, out of it, feeling like someone stuck a spigot in my head and drained out all the thinking juice. What the HELL is wrong with me?