The Po Show

Down on the Farm

I went on Tessa's last field trip of the year today. We went to Muscoot Farms, this cute little farm that pretends it's circa 1900 or something, which is run by the county Parks Dept. There were animals and rows of crops and a blacksmith's shop with farm implements, etc. There were horses and sheep with lambies and chickens with adolescent chicks and a sow with a teen-aged pig and donkeys and turkeys and an incredibly sweet cow named Pineapple who was waiting to be milked.

I almost didn't go on the trip, even though I signed up weeks ago. There was a chance that someone from the county was going to call today to tell us which program they have recommended for Matthew, and the remote chance that we would be told that we could visit that class today. After all the waiting, all the anxiety, all the, yes, calling, we're finally going to figure out where he will go to school next year. So I wasn't sure I wanted to be half an hour away, just in case they called.

But I figured, that wasn't fair to Tessa. She gets so short-changed, so much of the time. She has to tag along to Matthew's weekly therapy sessions, to his trips to the psychiatrist. She constantly has her schedule dictated by what Matthew will and will not do. She has to endure his tantrums, tiptoe around his potential anger, has to hear her classmates say, "I heard your brother screaming in the office today." It's hard enough being the little sister, but it is really hard being Matthew's little sister, much of the time.

So I drove myself (feeling badly that I had to say that I might have to leave any moment) rather than carpooling with the other parents. I checked my cell phone constantly. I kept calling home and checking to see if anyone left a message. And no one called, so it was just as well that I didn't skip the field trip. So sigh, more calling in store on Monday.

Tessa didn't know that mentally I wasn't entirely present. She held my hand, and sat next to me on the hay ride, and was happy. So that was very, very good.