The Po Show

How They Get Him

So it's been over a week since our IEP meeting, but I really wanted to share some excerpts from the Continued Stay Review that the school submitted for Matthew, because it's quite remarkable. Why has it taken me over a week to post? I've been...busy. (Basically ever since I posted about writing a book, I've taken to doing things like going back to sleep after the kids leave for school, and reading a lot. Let's all join hands and analyze THAT! :p)

Anyway, here's some of the report:

"Matthew's mental health needs are of the utmost importance as without strong supports in this area, his ability to function is severely compromised. He needs a small, self-contained classroom with predictable, consistent routines to alleviate his anxiety. He needs the availability of crisis prevention and intervention in support of the classroom program. It is only when he feels safe and secure in his surroundings that he can begin to trust the significant adults to help him and guide him when he is feeling overwhelmed and upset.

Socially, Matthew is a sweet, sensitive boy who is often overwhelmed by the complexities of social interactions. He does not understand social nuances or the effect that his behavior may have on others. His rigid thinking also hinders his ability to relate to others. He is competitive and does not like to lose or to be wrong in a game/discussion. These are very painful experiences for Matthew and he may lash out at others or at himself in frustration and/or disappointment. However, when he feels comfortable in his environment and shares an area of interest with another student, he very much enjoys having a conversation. At these times, he is animated, interesting, and very engaging. He needs close adult supervision during all social times to feel secure and to intervene in the moment when necessary before things begin to escalate..."

There's a lot more, but can you BELIEVE how perfect this is? This is exactly what I've been saying, since he was a toddler. For all those years, this is what he needed. I'm so struck by how inappropriate all those old behavioral intervention plans were (including the ones his former private therapist kept shoving down my throat), because this is what he needed. All the sticker charts and points and prizes in the world were not going to make up for what he really needed, which was being kept emotionally safe in his environment. And that was never going to happen with one teacher in a class with 20 kids, or an aide there for half the day, even if that teacher and that aide were wonderful. Having a school psychologist who understood him and loved him wasn't enough, when she tended to only see him in the aftermath of a disaster, when it was too late. The bottom line is that what Matthew needs is a lot of adult attention, a lot of eyes on the ground, and people who are not going to continually try to force him to do what he is not capable of doing.

(On a separate, sad, and sweet note: the girl in class that Matthew has been very attached to, the fun and funky Lydia, is leaving the school. I'm not sure if she's going to public school in her district or to another private school. I heard that when the class was told that she was leaving, Matthew asked to be excused to go to the bathroom, and when he returned it was obvious that he had been crying. He talks about her all of the time, more than he's ever talked about a classmate, so I feel so sad for him.)