The Po Show

Heartstrings

Today is Matthew's friend Ana's birthday. This is the girl who has baked him cookies, who made him a two-foot-tall card for Valentine's Day. A couple of weeks ago, he told me that she had invited him to her class birthday party (kids can invite someone from another class, particularly if they are in the same unit); he was terribly pleased about it. Last week he decided that he'd like to buy her a birthday present. He'd thought about it carefully, and said that she did not have a backpack, so he wanted to get one for her. He did have the foresight to ask if she actually wanted a backpack, and she'd said yes. I have the feeling that she would have said yes to just about anything, if he was getting it for her. Last Friday, as the bus dropped Matthew off at home, Ana leapt up and gave him a huge hug. I had to go into the house, so he wouldn't see me clutching my hand to my heart and going, "Oh my god! Oh my god!"

We spent a lot of time over the weekend looking for backpacks. This is just not the time of year for prime availability. After about the fourth store, we found one that he liked (and didn't cost $40). He had already chosen a gift bag and a card. During his initial shopping trip on Saturday with Ross, however, he had suddenly gotten anxious that he didn't know the rules about students giving each other presents for their birthdays. He was worried that he would not be allowed to give one to her. I was confused, since when he had initially told me he wanted to buy Ana a gift, he'd said, "People do that sometimes." But he now said that those had been small gifts, like a Yugioh deck or something. I told him that I'd call on Monday morning to confirm that it was all right, and we could always take it back if there was a problem. He could give her the card in any event.

This morning he paced about nervously until I could call his therapist at 8:30. She was not in, so I left her a voice mail. A little before 9:00, just before Matthew's bus was due, I called again. She said she'd just left a message with the unit director asking if it was all right, and Matthew could bring the present just in case it was approved. I was in the process of trying to fit the bag and the backpack into Matthew's backpack when his therapist called back, saying that it was fine for him to give Ana a present. I went into a flurry of adding tissue paper and curly ribbon to the gift bag, moments before the bus came. Matthew was very appreciative.

As I said good bye and closed the door, my heart felt tight in my chest. Girls, and growing up, and more life chapters. It's one thing for him to be 5'8" and need extra large men's socks (the package says they fit size 12-16 for god's sake!), but another entirely for him to think so much about a girl. Aspergers can be a surprise, since it makes you make assumptions that don't always hold true. I thought he'd be delayed in these kinds of feelings; I worried that girls would be slow to see him in this light. And while he is still very delayed in so many social aspects, his heart appears to be right on course.