The Po Show

It was Worse than I Thought

No, not the election, which I've been trying to block out of my consciousness :p.

When I decided to finish the short story I had started (over three years ago), from an old idea I had (over seven years ago), I thought I had written about a page and a half. Well, today I actually looked at the file, and I had written exactly 206 words. Three short paragraphs. Heh, as Leila would say :D.

This really highlights how lousy I am at fiction. I get good ideas, but I just can't execute. I *really* can't write dialog that is not stilted and fake, except for when I use things people actually said, which I suppose is not really writing (other than the physical act of putting the words in written form :p). How many times have I written "really" in this paragraph? :p

I like to flagellate myself over this, because I think of myself as a writer. But what kind of shabby writer can't write more than 500 words without withering on the vine? The ability to write blog posts and Facebook status updates does not a writer make. I lack the endurance, the perseverance, the willingness to put in the hard work. Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird was momentarily inspirational to me, until I realized that I *can't* go bird by bird. I do three birds and then I want to jump ahead to the last bird, the one I know about. I don't know those in-between birds. I get story ideas, and I know the beginning and the end, and the opening sentences, and perhaps some bits in the middle, but I just can't fill in the rest. I hate it. It's messy. I don't like messy. So like everything else in my life that I don't like and no one is pointing a gun to my head to do, I don't do it.

My poor, orphan ideas. They deserve a better mother.

PS: Speaking of Anne Lamott and birds, everyone MUST read her new book, Imperfect Birds. Dazzling and funny and heartbreaking and scary as all hell if you're a parent of a teenager or see your child's impending teenagerhood looming in the near future. She so perfectly captured both voices, that of the mother wanting to be the cool, hip mom who is liked by her child, but lives in utter terror that something bad will happen to her, and of the teen girl, who wants to be protected while simultaneously wanting to be left alone to do whatever the hell she wants, whose feelings of invincibility and entitlement lead her to do a lot of really stupid stuff. As they say in actual reviews, Highly Recommend.