The Po Show

The Ro and Po Show

He's in the air, somewhere over the midwest. He's on his way here, earlier than he usually comes during the long California summer sojourns I take with the kids. But he had to be here before July 31, in time for:

The Ro and Po Show
20th Anniversary Edition

I mean, wow. I can't imagine having done ANYTHING for 20 years, let alone being MARRIED for 20 years.

I'm so glad he's coming.

One of Those Falling-on-the-Floor, Helpless-with-Laughter Moments

Last night Tessa burst into the living room and said indignantly:

"MOM, Matthew is being mean to me with his DARK HUMOR!!"

It's Time

It's time to say it's time. It's time to admit that yeah, though Matthew is doing better this summer, he's still in a very troubled state, that while I think he needs a school environment that's therapeutic as well as academically challenging, that doesn't seem to be forthcoming and making him stay unsettled past the start of the school year would do him more harm, that while he *might* be okay in a less therapeutic environment, he likely will not. I have to separate out what I want to be, from what is. I have to set aside what I wish would be and accept things for what they are.

After having to pull him out of swimming lessons this morning and having him totally melt down at my niece's house yesterday (thankfully my mother had gone to the store so she missed the full-on screaming and flailing that went on for a LONG time), I think it's time.

But time or not, I still keep crying at the thought of him going into day treatment, and I still don't know exactly why.

Outta Here

All packed and more or less ready to roll here. We (the kids and I) get on a plane at the Westchester County Airport tomorrow at 6:30AM. Yay, no JFK!!! Last year at this time we came within inches and seconds of missing our flight and I almost had a full-blown panic attack (on my birthday!). We have to change planes at Dulles and briefly wait, but that's a small price to pay for not having to fly out of JFK.

So we're really leaving for 6 weeks. I never dreamed that we'd be leaving without having secured a placement for Matthew for next school year, but it is what it is. We saw another day treatment school yesterday, with an even worse reaction from Matthew, but I'm trying to put that all out of my head for now.

Now it's time to go home.

Happy Birthday to Me

It's true that as I get older, I care less and less about my birthday (other than being increasingly aghast at how HIGH the number keeps getting!). I used to care oh so deeply about my birthday, it was embarrassing.

But really, I could have done without the birthday anxiety of having to go to an interview at a private school for Matthew this afternoon. Where no one knew we were coming. And the woman in admissions who scheduled the appointment is on vacation till July 14. So it was a good 45 minutes of sitting around before the very nice Clinical Director got out of a meeting and was able to talk to us. It was obviously difficult for him to do so, though, since he hadn't seen Matthew's file yet. Again, we just can't seem to catch a break in this whole process. It went okay, though Matthew was all nervous and wouldn't talk at first. He agreed to go on a tour of the school (which is absolutely gorgeous, on a hillside in the midst of an old apple orchard). Until the director made a few last comments about the school, including the fact that it's a 12 month program. Yes, that's right, no real summer vacation. Matthew didn't say anything at first, but he got very upset when we were getting up to go on the tour. I immediately knew why, though I didn't say anything. We abruptly had a slamming about in his chair, hitting himself in the head, swinging his arms tantrum on our hands. Ugh.

Okay, so maybe he does need a therapeutic program. And this seems like a good one. So we'll see. We have an interview at another school on Monday.

But it really wasn't the way I would have chosen to spend my 42nd birthday.