The Po Show

And To All, A Good Night

We're off to the homeland. Have a wonderful holiday season, and I'll catch you next year.

Peace out.

Perspective

Yesterday we went to New Jersey for a birthday party (our friend, the dad, greeted us by saying, "Sorry to make you come involuntarily to New Jersey," to which I replied, "Is there any other way?"). As we were leaving, we were talking about going to CA, and the mom said, "You're so lucky, that your family is so close and you can go see them."

It was kind of a startling statement, since I think of them as so far away, and I lament how infrequently we get to see them. However, these friends are from the Philippines, which is a hell of a lot farther away than CA. They just had a second baby last month, and while the mom's mother came to stay with them and is still here, I could tell that my friend was very sad that the rest of her family can't see the new baby.

So I do bitch and moan about how expensive it is for us to fly to CA, and how hard it is to live without any family nearby whatsoever, but, as with all things, it could be worse.

One and a Half Centimeters

So I have this polyp in my uterus, that I just found out is one and a half centimeters long. That's pretty big as endometrial polyps go, apparently, as most measure in millimeters, like the size of a sesame seed. This is, what, the size of a jellybean? Why do we so often describe the size of strange objects in terms of foods? Is it bigger than a bread box? (Okay, that's not a food, but contains a food.)

Due to its size (?), my OB/GYN has decided to biopsy it first, then do another U/S, then do a hysteroscopy that may or may not include removal. Depending on a number of factors. I was not super stoked at the thought of removal (meaning a d&c), but for some reason the thought that it must be biopsied *first* is disconcerting. Is it more likely to be cancerous because it's measurable in centimeters rather than millimeters? I found myself unable to ask when I just had the doctor on the phone. I just made sure to remind her that I have a pain in the ass cervix, that may make the biopsy difficult. She assured me that if it didn't go easily, they'd go ahead and anesthetize me (locally, I'm assuming) to prevent me from suffering any pain. That's nice, I guess.

I'm trying hard not to think of one and a half centimeter time bombs, or one and a half centimeter pools of poison, or one and a half centimeter creatures with teeth and claws and bad attitudes, burrowing within.

The Five Minute Conference

To quote the Staples commercials, that was easy.

Things are different this year, school conference-wise, since my kids are no longer going to the same school. It's nicer this way, that it doesn't have to turn into the the bi-annual Tale of Two Conferences. Tessa's fall conference was yesterday, and Matthew's will be sometime in January. How nice not to have to compare and contrast, not to have to juggle my responses, not to have to tamp down my praise for Tessa's performance and accentuate the positive of Matthew's in the midst of troubled times.

I'd already seen her report card, of course, and knew that she was scoring above grade level in literally everything. "4"s across the board, with the exception of some elements of writing, which rated "3"s. The only thing she has ever gotten a "2" on in her report cards (meaning "approaching grade level") was under coordination in P.E. (oy vey, she definitely is my child, as is Matthew. Why couldn't they have inherited any of Ross' jockiness, instead of all of my lack of coordination?).

Her teacher just asked me if I had any questions, that she really didn't have much to say, since Tessa is a complete delight to have in class, she gets along with everyone, she is a kind and thoughtful child, and academically she is a superstar. She is testing at the highest level she can be tested in directed reading (she can only test her to 34, which corresponds to mid-third grade, because the highest level she can be tested at the end of second grade is 38, which corresponds to end of third grade, and children are supposed to show improvement during the year. It's such bullshit, and I really wish they didn't have all of these rules, so I could know at what level she's really reading.)

Anyway, we were in and out in five minutes, which was fine with me. The best part was that I was alone with Tessa after that, and I could tell her how proud I was of her, how wonderfully she was doing in school, and that I appreciated that her teacher enjoyed having her in class so much. I could do this freely, without making it a comparison to Matthew in any way, and Tessa didn't have to feel uncomfortable about being praised in front of him. She took it in stride; she's very casual about how smart she is and how well she does at school. It's never ever competitive for her; she just accepts it and enjoys the experience of learning.

I very honestly could not have hoped for more.

Enabler

Well, I have done it. I have truly done it, and I'm HAPPY I've done it.

I have turned my son into a science fiction geek. FINALLY!

A few months ago, I started begging Matthew to try reading Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card. I loved the whole series (up to approximately seven thousand books at this point, including the latest, Ender in Exile, which just came out a couple of weeks ago and which I am currently devouring. I bought it in hardback. I HATE hardback, but I am willing to tough it out because there was no conceivable way I could wait till this came out in paperback). The timeline of the books is very staggered, with the second book taking place 3000 years after the events of the first, and one offshoot sub-series taking place at the same time as the first book, from a different character's perspective.

Anyway, the original book has been promoted as Young Adult in recent years, and I knew, absolutely knew, that Matthew would love it. I mean, how could he not get into the concept of children playing a video game that simulated space warfare (or so they thought), or these kids learning to play physical war games in rooms with zero gravity? He was skeptical, but after much cajoling, he finally started it. It took him about 30 pages (as I knew it would, as the story takes a bit to ramp up), and then he couldn't put it down. He read the whole book in 2 days, and wanted the next. Woohoo!! Score one for Mommy!

I re-read Ender's Game myself after he finished (it's been forever since I'd last read it) and realized by page 5 that there's quite a bit of swearing. Oh. Well. No biggie, in the grand scheme of things. I started to worry, however, about what would happen if he wanted to read the later books in the series. They are far less, shall we say, Young Adult. There are a lot of significant plot points like illegitimacy and celibacy and folks hooking up. In other words, talk about sex. I guess I didn't have to worry about it, since I think that all breezed over his head. At least he never asked about it, or even brought those issues up. Mostly he wanted to talk about the concept of sub-lightspeed travel and the implications for those who would travel in this fashion, and what would happen if a way was found to travel faster than the speed of light. He was fascinated by the idea of an alien construct that functioned like a supercomputer with access to all digital information in the universe. He used the phrase "defy the laws of physics" more times than I can count :).

Now he's on the fourth book (as they were chronologically written), the last book in that arm of the series. It is a wonderful thing, to get to talk about these books with my son. If it enables him to talk to me without expounding upon computer components, the smallest details of whatever video game he's playing, or the plot points of Cartoon Network shows, I'm a happy camper.

Helllooo???

This is so trivial in light of some of the other issues going on around here (not to mention the issues in the universe in general), but MAN, I can't understand why companies would put the words "Stocking Stuffers" at the top of catalog pages that they are marketing to children. I mean, come on. This one that just caught my eye is on the Scholastic book order Tessa brought home from school. I've been questioned about this in years past regarding the Lego catalog, Amazon.com, and other sources I can't think of at the moment. Because, you know, SANTA puts the stuff in the stockings, so why are they trying to sell you stocking stuffers?

I'm actually sort of amazed that my kids still believe in Santa. It's nice in a way, and stressful in another, as I'm always on guard about saying anything to tip them off. I really don't know if Matthew still believes (considering he totally busted me by asking why the Amazon page said that I had purchased the Hover toy Santa gave him last year, under "As someone who has purchased XXXX"; oops. Now all Santa gifts are purchased under Ross' ID). But Tessa TOTALLY does, and has reconciled in her own head why some kids say that they don't believe in Santa and that their presents (usually big ticket things like a Wii) are from their parents. She has decided that *wrapped* gifts are from your parents, but the stuff in your stocking is from Santa. She isn't fazed by the fact that most of her Santa gifts are too big to fit in her stocking and are left arrayed around it. They're not wrapped, so they must be from Santa.

I'll sort of be relieved when the cat is out of the bag. Same with the tooth fairy. Yesterday Tessa lost a tooth in the Modern Art gallery at the Met, of all places. She walked around looking at Mondrians and Picassos with a big wad of kleenex in her mouth. When we got home she immediately set to making a Christmas gift for the tooth fairy, a clay pot with a heart-breakingly sweet note, that went under her pillow with the tooth. So I had to pry that out from under her pillow, write her a thank you note in curvy "fairy writing," and sneak it under her pillow with the money. Sweet, but I'm about ready to be done with all this.

Meds Again

I just got a call from Matthew's therapist, who said that she had had a meeting with the clinical director of the school, who after extensive monitoring of Matthew in the classroom and after talking with his teachers, decided to try him on Abilify again. In light of how activating the drug was the last time he was on it, she's starting him at half the usual initial dose, so hopefully he doesn't turn into a zombie this time. There wasn't any precipitous event that made the psychiatrist suggest starting meds, just the fact that she's observed him for several weeks now and his anxiety level seems to have gone up in the last few weeks (aka the end of the honeymoon).

It's interesting that it was exactly this time last year that he was on Abilify. He'd started in Oct., and by the beginning of Dec. we'd sorted out the dosage and he was no longer waking up at 1:00AM every night, unable to go back to sleep. Everyone thought he was doing very nicely on the drug. Dec. and Jan. were great months, the best months he'd had in over a year. Ambre, you might remember me telling you at New Year's Eve how we really seemed to have found the right med for him, and how it had some unique mechanisms.

Then in Feb. everything completely fell apart again, and his psychiatrist changed him to risperidone. But Ross and I both felt that it was a much more global issue, rather than a medication issue, so who knows what would have happened had he stayed on Abilify.

I was a bit hesitant about starting him on meds again right before the holidays, but his therapist said that it was probably a good time, to start titrating up from a super low level, to give him some support during the schedule upheaval of the holidays. I guess that could be true, or not. I guess we'll find out.

I have to admit that I'm ambivalent about this. On the one hand, I have never been adverse to him being on meds, if I thought that they would help. I'm just not sure they ever did, though perhaps they will in this better environment. Part of me was happy, being able to tell people how well he was doing, completely off meds, earlier this fall. Mostly I wonder if anything (therapy, drugs, whatever) will help "enough," enable him to get through life, now and in the future.