The Po Show

Equilibrium

Well, we couldn't have done this on purpose if we'd tried. Ross finalized our taxes today (he was sort of waiting to see if any of the new stimulus package stuff was going to have any impact on us, but everything stayed the same).

We owe the federal government EXACTLY ONE DOLLAR more than the state of New York owes us. I found that astounding.

Ross also got a pretty healthy bonus yesterday, the amount of which had really been up in the air considering how many clients his firm has lost in the last year. Luckily for Ross most of his projects are government-funded, so the loss of Bear Stearns and Lehman Bros. doesn't impact the stuff he's working on, other than its total impact on the revenue of the firm as a whole. This bonus is a good thing, considering he just had to pay another $2,000 for more oral surgery this last week (bringing it up to $3,200 so far this month), with an unclear amount of additional expense on the horizon. What they wanted to do to the first tooth (basically make a fancy-schmancy specialized denture for its replacement) was going to cost $17,000!! Yes, seventeen thousand. Needless to say, Ross declined the fancy-schmancy option and they will be going with a much, much cheaper fake tooth of some kind. And our health insurance seems to be balking on paying for the bone replacement part of the surgery, as he was told by the dental staff that they would. So the entire amount of his bonus post-tax may end up going to his mouth.

Easy come, easy go.

Apropos of My Last Post

It seems that puberty marches on for others of Matthew's cohort as well, and some have already reached the finish line. Not surprisingly, a girl. The girl whose mother (one of my most cherished friends in the world) so nicely told me last summer, "She has bigger breasts than you!" So it should not be surprising to hear that that this sweet, beautiful girl has "become a woman," as they used to say in those outdated films they made us watch in elementary school. The one I got shown in fifth grade, and the accompanying pamphlet they gave us (courtesy of Kimberly Clark), were so old that they only talked about sanitary pads, not tampons.

Anyway, I'm sitting here with tears running down my face. It's not just that I'm feeling old and Auntie-ish, that I'm incredulous that the first girl of the group has started menstruating (other people's children grow up SO FAST. I mean, your own children grow up ridiculously fast, but I swear I turn around and other people's children have grown faster than seems humanly possible). I'm just thinking about those days when they were all babies and toddlers, and it feels like this glowing, magical time. This is fairly insane on my part, since if I really remember it correctly it was a time of utter exhaustion, when Matthew never slept two hours in a row, when he cried incessantly, when I was constantly apologizing to other moms whose kids he whacked.

But I swear, in so many ways, it was the best time of my life. I think about walking around Huntington Gardens, or hanging out on the third floor at Westside Pavillion, with my friends and their babies, all of us pushing our strollers (though usually I was carrying Matthew in one arm and pushing the stroller with my other hand--oh to have three hands back then!!), and my eyes fill up again, because I'd love to go back then, just for a day.

It was the time before, when Matthew was this gorgeous smiley baby who hugged and kissed all the other babies, who were his friends, before he even knew what that meant. It was before the world narrowed, before I knew what was coming. It was before I found out. And that was a long, prepubescent, time ago.

Let's See If I Can Be Coherent

Here's a fun game: let's see if I can write a few paragraphs and make any sense whatsoever! It'll be fun, and challenging, too, since my head is spinning rather violently, making it difficult for the words to find their way out. I don't know what's wrong with me; I thought on Monday that I had the flu again, but now it's just a lot of chest congestion and extreme dizziness.

Anyway, been gone awhile (I just spelled that "hone awhile" three times in a row; hmm, this might be harder than I thought). We had a lovely February break together, and I actually mean that. I still have not gotten used to the concept of February break, though this was our fifth one, but in a way it's nice to come back from the holidays, have 6 weeks of school, then have a break, then 6 more weeks of school before Spring break.

Yesterday I went to Matthew's school and met with his therapist for our weekly session. Matthew used to see her on Wednesdays, but she has changed that to Mondays, which I like much better since she sees him before she sees me on Tuesdays, so I can get debriefed on anything interesting that transpires during their sessions.

Naturally she had wanted to hear about how his break went, and he did tell her about a few things we did during the vacation. But then he launched into a very detailed recounting of the story line of the newest DS game he's been playing, Dragon Quest V (a remake for the DS of an older game that had been produced years ago for a different platform). She was utterly amazed at how in-depth his description was, how well he remembered all the characters and scenes and how he thoroughly he analyzed the levels of strategy required for different sections of the game. And how involved he was in the characters, and particularly in the decisions the main character had to make in choosing a wife. See, the game is called Dragon Quest V, Hand of the Heavenly Bride, and Matthew really was emotionally invested in how the hero would choose a wife from three choices (or "options" as he put it, which was kind of funny).

This led to Pat and I talking about Matthew's obvious developmental progress. He's grown like three inches since summer, and he's just big, broad-shouldered and long-legged and his feet are huge. He's spending a lot of time in his room with the door closed, playing his DS or reading, and when he comes out it's pretty clear what else he's been doing. I can say "I'm so not ready for this" all I want, but it appears that my level of readiness doesn't really matter here. Pat said that he's talked a bit about Lydia, one of the two girls in his class, and that he seemed wistful in telling Pat that it was "obvious" that Lydia liked Liam, another boy in class, since they spent a lot of time together. Lydia's as tall as Matthew, and has actual breasts, not just buds, and is funky and fun-looking (Pat told me she dyed her hair crimson over the break, and she's naturally a blonde). It's so interesting to me to hear (second-hand anyway) Matthew talking about who likes whom and so forth, like other kids. I love that he cares, that his world has opened up more and he recognizes these things. It's so....normal.

I've already ordered him a book from Amazon, the AMA's book for boys "becoming a teen." It's so complex for everyone, navigating puberty, but I can't imagine how bewildering the whole process will be for my Aspie boy. He's such a mass of contradictory impulses, so mature at times and so like a five year old at others.

I guess incoherence doesn't just happen when you catch a virus, but is a part of the human condition.

So Cutting Edge--Only Two Years Late

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, and Ross made waffles for us all. After breakfast, I got ready and went out to do some errands before Tessa's swimming lesson. As I was leaving, Ross asked me if I was going to the mall. I said I hadn't planned on it, but was there something he wanted me to pick up for him?

"Well," he said, "I never got a chance to get your present. I was going to get us iPhones." His cell phone has been dying a slow death, and the battery now needs to be charged three times a day, so we've been talking about what new phones to get for some time. He really thought I would like an iPhone, and I kept thinking I didn't really need one, so we've been going back and forth. I didn't think I needed a new phone at all, but we were going to have to sign up for a new contract anyway, so it seemed like I should get *something* new.

Anyway, I thought this was a very nice Valentine's Day present (though it was a present for him as well), but then I realized what he was asking and said, "So I'm supposed to go buy my own present?" I've picked out many of my own presents over the years, but this time he had chosen it, so it seemed weird to go buy it for myself. He agreed we could all go to the mall later in the afternoon, which is what we did.

So predictably, now that I actually have an iPhone, I love it and see how pretty soon I'm going to wonder how I ever lived without it. It's so cool.

The rest of Valentine's Day was nice too. Tessa put on a Valentine's celebration for us in the morning, with dancing, a game of musical chairs (she won, what a surprise!), and a scavenger hunt with clues to help us find our presents. My present was a coupon booklet with various things like "Wash the dishes," "Make all the beds," "Make salad," and "Massage." There were four "Massage" coupons. She said that she had thought of 7 things, then since there were 10 pages, she made the extras also "Massage." Then she pointed out that all the coupons were in alphabetical order, which they most certainly were.

I gave Ross the complete series box set of DVDs for the Duckman animated series, which we had absolutely loved. For 10 years now we've been mourning its demise, and wondering why no one had put out a DVD set. A couple of weeks ago, on a lark, I did a search on Amazon and found that there was indeed finally a DVD set, that Season 1 and 2 had come out last fall, and a full series set came out in Jan. Well, if there is a better gift for your Valentine (or mine, anyway), than a foul-mouthed duck detective spouting invective at everyone around him, I don't know what it is. Except an iPhone, maybe.

Somebody Help Me Out Here

I've been going nuts the last few days, trying to remember what you call it when you hear or see something unusual, and then *almost immediately* afterwards, hear or see it again. You know, when through sheer (and no, it's not serendipity I'm thinking of) coincidence, you hear the same phrase, the second time directly after the first. There's a WORD for this!

I have had three incidents of this phenomenon in this *week*. In the first, the kids were watching Fairly Odd Parents on Nick, and Timmy's grandpa was talking about popular things during the '20s, one of which was Banana Oil. I was reading a book on the couch next to them. **LITERALLY** the next paragraph I read contained a reference to banana oil! WTF? How often do you hear the words **banana oil** used???

The next happened the other day, when I walked through the bedroom while Ross was watching a movie. Woody Allen called Wallace Shawn a homunculus. I then returned to my book, in which a character called another character a homunculus! How often do people call each other a homunculus?? Plus we'd just been to the American Museum of Natural History *that day*, and had SEEN representations of homunculi!

The homunculus episode made me think of the previous episode of [whatever the hell you call it when this happens]. And, because I am old and senile, I could not remember what the phrase had been that had been repeated. I remembered it was from Fairly Odd Parents, I remembered that I had then read it in my book, but WHAT had it been?? Instantly obsessed (who me?), I started skimming the book, trying to find the reference. I could picture which side of the page it had been on, the approximate size of the paragraph it had been in, but I couldn't find it. I kept pawing through the book. I glanced through a passage in which the characters were talking about how Diogenes would have been better off looking for a competent man than an honest man. Ross walked past me and smirked when he saw how obsessed I was over this, and he SAID (yes, you can guess what's coming), "You're still looking for that? You're like Diogenes." WTF?? How often do people talk about Diogenes?

So please, someone, of my many overly-intellectual and trivia repository friends, you must know the word for this.

Alexia Panini--A Review

I've determined that even when it sounds like it has a lot of yummy ingredients, a frozen panini that you heat in the microwave still kind of sucks.

Happy Holidays

On Saturdays I'm generally allowed to sleep in. Ross gets up when Matthew comes out of his room, and Tessa joins them at some point (some days she insists on "sleeping" some more with me, which consists of her curling up in bed and poking me accidentally with her feet and knees over and over as she thrashes about, obviously wide awake). Ross tries hard to keep them quiet, and I appreciate the effort very much.

This morning I stayed in bed till about 8:15, but I didn't sleep much after the rest of them were up at 7:00. There were repeated cries of indignation from Tessa, aimed at Matthew, and loud taunts from him to her. Ross, bless his heart, kept trying to shut them up, but to little avail. So I finally gave up and came out to the living room, which caused Tessa to go into a mad scramble with the pieces of paper she had scattered all around her. Realizing she was in the middle of a project designed for my benefit, I tried to retreat into the bathroom and then the kitchen while she gathered everything up.

She kept trying to work on her stuff in a corner, telling me not to look. I kept assuring her that I was not looking. Matthew was beside himself, trying not to tell me what she was doing, but he was having trouble controlling himself, which was throwing Tessa into paroxysms of anguish. Finally she took all her materials into her room.

After Ross and I had had coffee, he and Tessa disappeared. She then scurried into the living room, thrust a taped note onto my computer, and scurried away. The note said, "Go to Tessa's Room NOW!"

I called out to her that I was having my breakfast, but then I realized that she was holding Ross hostage in her room as part of her activity, so I abandoned my breakfast and knocked on her door. No answer. I knocked a few more times, with no answer. Finally Ross called out to me in Japanese to come in.

"DAD!," Tessa shrieked as I walked in. Then he popped out from under her bed covers and she crawled out from under her bed, bumping her head as she came. Apparently Ross was NOT supposed to tell me to come in, because they were surprising me.

There was a colorful sign on her blinds that read "Happy Mom Appreciation Day!" Tessa danced around and sang a Mom Appreciation Day song, then handed me a gift bag. Inside was a piece of paper with a heart drawn on it and fancy edging. "It's a placemat!," Tessa informed me. There was also a card shaped like a pink cat that read, "Dear Mom, Happy Mom Appreciation Day! I you. oxox. Love, Tessa." I was later given a "Job Copon" book, with pages of coupons: car washing, plant watering, dish washing, and vacuming [sic].

Very cute stuff. She's been telling me for a few weeks that Feb. 7 was going to be a special holiday, but I had no idea it was all for me. Of course, I privately told Ross that a Mom Appreciation Day might have included actually letting me sleep, but really, it's the thought that counts.

Happy Mom Appreciation Day, to all you moms out there.

Posted by: po / 9:16 AM

Five Days a Week

I was holding my breath, wondering if it was really going to happen, but it did. Both of my children actually went to school a full five-day week, this week. This has not happened since LAST YEAR (as in, since the week of Dec. 15, 2008). There has been sickness; there have been snow days. I have made quick dashes to the grocery store while a sick child has stayed home alone (that is a real advantage over the toddler days!). I had to pick up Ross from his knee surgery while watching the clock (Tessa was really sick that day) and tell him that no, we could NOT stop at the pharmacy on the way home to pick up his vicodin.

But here was a week of normalcy, when everyone went to school and Ross went to work every day. The funny thing is that it doesn't FEEL normal anymore; it feels like an aberration. I keep stocking up on staples at the store, just in case (boy we have a lot of soup in the cupboard).

If they can go all five days next week, that'll really feel like a personal record.

Of course, then the week after that the kids are off for February Break :p.

What Next?

I have not posted since last week, because what do you say after "I don't have cancer!" Writing about funny things the kids say or how I'm really tired after a long weekend of preparing ebay auctions seems, well, trivial.

But most of life is mundane, by its very nature. So here's something funny Tessa said this morning :). She was talking about how there was a special celebration for Abraham Lincoln's birthday coming up, because he was going to be two thousand years old.

I said, "Um, two thousand years old?"

She realized she had made a mistake, so she corrected herself, "I meant, two million years old!"

I laughed and laughed and asked how a person could be two million years old. She sheepishly said, "I MEANT, two thousand years old!" I laughed some more and reminded her that she'd already said two thousand. Finally she said, "Oh! Two HUNDRED!"

She's such a brilliant girl, but number concept is not her strong point. She's the same way with time duration; it's very flexible for her. She'll say something happened a few months or weeks ago, that happened last week. She'll say that something happened a couple of days ago, that happened months ago. Is it the terms that confuse her, or is she just not that linear about time? As Janis Joplin said, it's all the same day, man.